Life is too hard. Was hard for some years but over the past 4 years of Uni it has become immensely difficult starting in 2018 (one night, I should have died then, actually never been born), and then 2019, towards the end more difficult and then so on. I tried my best to live by Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy in the book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ which I read at the start of 2021. Almost every moment, even in sleep, is misery and it’s not worth living such a life anymore. Of course the consequences of my suicide are unimaginable and I can no longer contain my misery. So either I’m in hospital now, dying somewhere, or dead. In any case, pls let my yoga teacher know of my predicament

The Ancient Thessalians

Thessaly was a region in Ancient Greece (and still in modern times I think). The inhabitants of Thessaly are known as Thessalians (of course).

The Mediterranean is a mountainous region, and the Balkan Peninsula is no exception. Thessaly is one of the few regions in the Balkans that has rolling fields. This allowed the Thessalians to cultivate weed. Just kidding. They grew wheat and cereal.

The plains of Thessaly also enabled the elite to practice horse riding. This meant that Thessaly had the best cavalry in the Greek world, besides the ancient Macedonians. Indeed, the most favourite horse of the famous Macedonian conqueror Alexander the Great, was the Thessalian horse Bucephalus. During most of his key pitched battles, the Thessalian cavalry held the left flank. The Companion Cavalry of the Macedonian King held the right flank. These horsemen deployed on the battlefield in wedge formation. It is said that Alexander’s father, Phillip II of Macedon, who passed significant military reforms, adapted this from the Thessalian Cavalry’s diamond formation. Allegedly, the Thessalians themselves adapted the diamond formation from the Thracian Cavalry, another people of the Balkans.

Before the Macedonian hegemony made possible by Phillip II of Macedon, a certain Jason of Pherae ascended.

Thessaly was divided into tetrarchies.

My overview of Alexander the Great and Afghanistan for beginners

Afghanistan has been on Global Media alot recently due to the swift Taliban capture of Kabul. The expected complete withdrawal of US military forces is thus questioned.

This brought to my mind Alexander (The Great) ‘s Sogdian campaign. Sogdia is outside of modern day Afghanistan, but in close proximity and the war spilled over. During Alex’s time (early 4th century BC), modern day Afghanistan and surrounding nations were, divided into areas called Sogdia, Bactria, Arachosia, Aria, and Drangiana. Here I will write what I remember from my reading of Arrian’s Anabasis Alexandrou, a primary source (on Alex) for modern historians, at least till recent scholarship doubts some of its claims. Though it’s written about 4 centuries after Alex, it’s the best we have. Please take everything about Alex with a pinch of salt (or maybe more).

Also, some of my knowledge on Alex and related scholarship is from other sources, including Wikipedia (in fact, I read a variety of stuff on Wikipedia). This rightly calls into doubt the authenticity of the information in this article (and in fact, my knowledge).

As far as I know, it was allegedly one of his toughest campaigns as the Macedonians faced a formidable insurgency. Relatively little is known about the campaign there, except that the army spent a long and hard time there.

However, allow me to waste your time with a short story – Many years ago as a teenager I downloaded the US COIN (Counter-Insurgency) manual written by (or perhaps on the orders of) General Stanley McChrystal or David Petraeus, I don’t remember which one. The latter succeeded the former in overseeing US and coalition military operations in Afghanistan. The introduction of the manual began with Alex’s counter-insurgency in Afghanistan. After the introduction I gave up reading the manual because the target audience is obviously not me.

Now, back to Arrian.

I might be mixing up my recollection of Alex’s campaigns, but during the Sogdian campaign Alexander divided his forces. Each of them were given an area to manage. They built outposts and defeated the insurgency.

Besides the Sogdian campaign near Afghanistan, I read on Wikipedia that Alex also conducted the Cophen campaign in Kabul Valley and Afghanistan. He defeated a few tribes there and while I remember reading about this in Arrian, I don’t remember the exact locations, only that they correspond to Afghanistan and Pakistan. While you will see ‘India’ and ‘Indian’ being used in Alexander’s history, these do not refer to modern day India as the Indian subcontinent was obviously partitioned by the British Empire after their rule there (and perhaps poorly done, as in many other of their former dominions around the globe).

While military operations discourage local resistance, diplomacy also had to be employed

Alex married a Sogdian or a Bactrian noblewoman called Roxana, who was later the mother of his heir. As Macedonian Kings are known for polygamy, he had other wives afterwards. Still, while we may speculate that Alex was captivated by Roxana’s beauty and fell in love with her, he probably had his father’s habit of employing marriage for diplomacy (as he also adopted the habit of conducting military operations throughout all four seasons).

Marriage is a diplomatic tool because it helps to cement ties. Further compliance was probably secured via the taking of hostages but I don’t remember.

Additionally, Alex built cities (as he usually does), and they are all of course named Alexandria, like almost all of his other cities elsewhere. These cities, far away from the Balkans, were settled with Greek mercenaries, at least in part (whom were reluctant and later revolted).

While it would be Great to further delve into this, I am lazy to write more. Indeed, I have yet to read more ancient texts on Alex, including (but not limited to) Curtius, Diodorus, Justin, and the romantic writer Plutarch. The modern commentary and scholarly analysis is of course another story that would probably take another lifetime for me to read.

However, there are other articles, books, text and media on Alexander, Afghanistan, and the Taliban. Importantly, take note of the source(s) used.

My last blog

Writing as of 1 Aug 2021 night, 2215, while watching JustKeth’s stream. It is hard to be happy. I will kill myself. But since I promised Ruth, the pretty nurse from Ward 33 that I will admit myself. I will. Tomorrow I get my stuff from office, and go to bookstores to get some books.

On Tues I have call with my case manager from NUH, and she is nice. Maybe I will speak with her and then go.

Will get a long toothbrush and colour pencils, pencil and eraser and Arrian’s Anabasis and Philip and Alexander books. And my contact list. Then off I go.

I am not sorry for my act friends. Life is just too hard. I just wish I could have more amazing times with you guys. I wish to watch Witcher tv series and God of War next sequel. Good luck.

I did a great job and I am proud of who I am and what I did.

Wasting time and Forgiveness – 2 impt learnings from Jocko Podcast 2021; And one additional thing from Kiarakitty :)

  1. Should you wear a mask? Don’t waste your time.

    An American viewer of Jocko’s Podcast asked if he wears a mask, to which Jocko essentially replied that in the time that someone argues whether or not to wear a mask in a store, he’s already gone in, bought a soda, paid for it and left. It’s just a waste of time to be arguing, and thinking for something as minute of an issue as this.
  2. Forgiveness is more about relieving your burden, rather than the offender’s

    Admiral William McRaven was on Jocko’s Podcast and when asked about the Hero’s Code – allegedly something Bill got his subordinates to follow, Bill mentions the following story. He basically ordered a mission to kill some insurgents or something but 2 Afghan policemen and their sisters (collateral damage) were killed. All of them are from the same dad and Bill went to apologise directly to him. He asked his Afghan counterpart how can he even ask this guy for forgiveness. The Afghan general said that the dad will forgive him because it does not relieve your burden, but also his. And the dad did forgive.

    I thought about the forgiveness I had given to relieve my burden; did I really forgive? Whenever I thought about things that were seemingly important, I tried to get myself to not waste my time. Life is only once and is limited so let us not waste time and enjoy it whenever we can and not burden ourselves more than we already are with life (something that I was reminded by from Kiarakitty yesterday; she was talking about how some people do not go out in the sun because it darkens their skin but she doesn’t care and views all skins are equal, and that life is too short not to enjoy it.

Loneliness Diary 1

I felt intense loneliness at work today, maybe somewhere from 2pm. I cried due to helplessness. With what little movement I could do, I retrieved some cardboards I had saved for this moment, and placed them in a row. Holding the Nespresso capsule brochure, I tore it into strips. Then I tore the strips themselves. My colleague asked me to check a short message and I returned to my loneliness after editing the message for him. It was a very easy thing to do. Then I can only remember a headache, maybe chestache. Maybe I msged C then I don’t remember. I went out for a walk but I had to go back for a meeting. The meeting sucked and after that I tried to do work but I couldn’t. I msged another friend. I thought of going to the nearby block and jumping off but anyway…I tried brainspotting but it didn’t help. I wondered if my knife was in my Head’s office. I msged another friend. Then I went to the toilet, punched the wall and realised that it made a sound. My knuckles hurt alot but it was ok, nothing like the pain of profound loneliness. Since there was no one in the toilet at that time, I punched the wall another time. Then I punched the air many times. Then I squatted down and lay my foreheaf against the wall because none of these helped. I wanted to scream but what would the people who hear me think.It was 4.30pm and I couldn’t do anything so I asked my Head if I could go back. She didnt reply so I asked ‘2nd head’. Actually I don’t remember the order of events.

To do

Since the loneliness cannot be stopped, I must stop my life instead. Maybe I will stop it once I stop working at my current job, or anytime sooner. But first I need a very sharp knife.

Nothing anyone says or does will stop this maybe except if Santa Monica reveals God of War 5 release date and it is close enough

Just to let everyone know yeah

Also please dont tell me to do this amd that or think differently cuz I’m tired of doing shit and I’m tired of ppl telling me to do stuff. As if I’ve not done my best. Also enough talk.

Maybe I will do the following:

2. Look for best arteries to cut for faster blood flow

3. When to cut

4. Where to cut

Must also do the following (as of this writing):

Bank acc

Phone pin

Rock for C

EDIT: turns out cutting is not a good way, need to find another way